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Thursday, February 5, 2015

SHOULD CHILDREN SUPPORT THEIR OLD PARENTS ==A SEQUEL



It is gratifying to read the overwhelming response to the burning but delicate and sensitive subject. Most of my friends took the trouble and  their valuable time to write detailed comments. I am reproducing some comments which are in variance with Rama Ananth’s observations.

Adrienne Zwart---- Quote----Though I will hardly be able to state my thoughts as eloquently, I think it is a gift for children to be able to care for their aging parents. I realize that it isn't always possible, for children do sometimes move away. So I do not mean to imply that children who cannot do this are somehow less loving.
I have watched my own parents care for my elderly grandmother. For a time, she lived with them until she recovered enough strength to live alone again. But even still, my dad diligently takes care of arranging appointments and driving her wherever she needs to go. I think she is proud to have a son that cares for her.
While the author's position seems quite selfless, I think perhaps it might be robbing her children of this blessing. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Inconvenient? It can be. But it can be a beautiful expression of gratitude for giving them such a good start in life.---Unquote==Adrienne states that it is a gift and a blessing for the children to take care of old parents. It might be hard and inconvenient but it is a beautiful expression.

eye in the sky--- Quote---The premise here should depend on the idea that the family is a basic unit of society whose members genuinely care for each other. Taking that into account, priority should be placed on the well being of each member. If old parents need help, I.e. Financial support, why should their children be selfish enough to provide what they can? In my country, it isn't even imposed. It should be a given concept. Family members help out each other.

Unquote---Eye in the sky says that members of a family should genuinely care for each other and should also help their old parents financially  if needed.

ღღČяїstinEεїз==  Quote---For me, I strongly believe that children should support their old parents. The same that parents should always support their young children. Other things do not matter to me as I only do what I think is right using love as my driving source. I love my parents so I will never leave them and I will always support them, like how they supported me :)==Unquote===
Cristin says that she will show her love for her parents not only by words but by always supporting them

Serendipity===Quote==It is embodied in the New civil code of the Philippines that a family member should help and support each member of the family. But i think even such obligation weren't written in Laws, children should help and support their old as it is their moral duty to take care of their old. That, in time when they get old their children will take care of them too.------Unquote=====Serendipity says there is a civil code in her country for helping and supporting each member of the family. Besides it is a moral duty. They are also setting a good example to their own children.

Mystery Blogger=== Quote=== I would help and support my parents however possible. They were the ones that gave me life, paid for my good education, dealt with me through all of my teenage drama and stood by me when I was a right little terror... they fed me every night and paid for college. They gave me a car and blanketed me with safety and love all my life.
I think there comes a point where the favor must be returned. ====Unquote===Mystery Blogger is very emphatic about supporting her parents in every possible way. It is a favor that must be returned when the time comes. She gives many reasons for this including the fact that that she is  here because of them

Locomente--- Quote----A very different perspective which makes me think...
I think that children must support their parents - emotionally (mandatory) and financially (if required). They must understand that parents have spent most of their days in taking care of children. Challenges arise when parents become possessive, obsessive, adamant and resist change. If they accept their child's growth and also decide to embrace their child's decisions, life would be good for both the parties. -----Unquote  ----Locomente thinks that children should give emotional support compulsorily and financial support if needed.

Daisy ---   Quote  ==I think children should help their parents and take care of them as they age. They are family and family should come first if at all possible. It seems only right to return the love and care to the parents that the parents gave to the children when they were small.Unquote ------ Daisy says that family should come first and the only way children can return love is by supporting them when parents need.

Jade Wright       Quote  -------- I definitely think there comes a time where the tables turn and our folks are in need of our support...and after them being so lovely to us over the years, supporting us through thick and thin and being hard on us when it was needed.. we need to give back. Even if your folks werent the best parents in the world... Unquote  ------Jade makes it clear that children should support their parents if required even if they were hard on them sometimes and even if  parents were not the best parents in the world.

Sherry Ellis, Ratty and Lea, also emphasized very firmly that children should definitely support their parents even if they don’t expect it.

These are fabulous bloggers  and I request you to visit them by clicking on their names. They will be delighted by your visit and will certainly reciprocate.  Please also visit the other wonderful friends in the comments column in my previous post by clicking on their names. I hold them in high esteem and I value their comments tremendously. This is a great opportunity to widen our circle of friends.


After reading these and other insightful comments I am plagued by a plethora of questions such as these=== Why should parents not expect their children to support them when needed?   Is it enough if children express their love merely by words and not by actually helping ?  Why should children not help their parents with money?   Should there be a law to compel children who don’t support their parents? Should children refuse to support their parents because they were hard on the children sometimes and because they are not the best parents in the world?    What is the meaning of family as far as the children are concerned, does this family include parents?    Is it not a sufficient reason for children to support  their parents that they are in this world because of parents?   Is it not the moral duty and responsibility of children to support their aged parents?  Why should the children not include in their goals and happiness, the well being and  happiness of their parents?  Is it not a gift, a blessing and a beautiful expression of love for the children to take  care of their aged parents, even thought it might be hard and inconvenient?


My dear friends, please put on your thinking caps and spare no effort to write a detailed comment. Here is an opportunity to prove your writing skills and convey your thoughts forcefully. 
Good writing means great satisfaction.


Best wishes.

39 comments:

  1. I don't believe there should be a law mandating that children support their parents. I just think it's something they should do, because it is morally right. Understandably, there will be cases where a child cannot financially support a parent. In these cases, emotional support will have to suffice.

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  2. I find it interesting that the responses you quoted are all in favor of parents expecting their children to care for them in their old age. In an ideal world children will care for their parents when the time comes. But I still maintain that it should not be an obligation but a gift given with love.

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  4. Hi Joseph. thanks for visiting my blog the other day. Now I'm happy to visit yours. I agree with Sherry (above, and she's another blogger friend). I think children should want to help their parents when the time comes. However, I've seen too many situations where the love and caring isn't there anymore. That's sad, but it happens. People are people and I do think it's a case by case basis. I'm fortunate that I love my father and want to help him. This is made harder by being 1500 miles away, but I shall do what's necessary when the time comes.

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  5. I like the way you "moderate" the discussion; kinda like hosting a talk show, Joseph. True, it's almost ridiculous to have laws that mandate children to support their parents. :)

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  6. So many questions... I don't think there should be a law mandating it, I think children should do what they can of their own volition. Some children are not in a position to help their parents. Sometimes things are difficult for all.

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  7. Very happy you received such quality responses to this issue and I see you are getting more :) I like the idea of children seeing the opportunity to help their parents as a blessing or a gift, a chance to repay and show love. That is a touching thought indeed.

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  8. Thank you for the mention and for summarizing my views on this subject - I really like the way you do your blog. You can tell all of us take the time to read it and to give thoughtful answers and opinions
    I followed you on GFC.

    Did you mention that you live in India? I will be in India next year for further travel! I am so excited though I haven't decided on a final destination yet I was looking forward to Delhi... though I guess that is very touristy??? xx

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

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  9. Excellent topic and very much a subject in my life right now, I desperately need a little support from my children at the moment, but the two who live nearest me haven't spoken in years. My other son lives in Spain so is unable to help.
    Despite emails to my other two two they have fallen on deaf ears.

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  10. Thanks for sharing these beautiful comments. I suppose there are two sides to every issue ! For example my other is old at 89 years and she cannot live alone in some old age home.That would be cruel. She lives with us happily,peacefully and comfortably. But when I get older I would prefer to live alone.Regards Ram

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  11. This is such a delicate situation it is very interesting to see other people's viewpoints. Love for Parents, children and friends motivate us to do the best we can, with each understanding this we all pool together for the greater good.

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  12. it is an interesting debate...i really feel that if the parents support that child it is only giving back by caring for them...and it can be hard to accept that help, humbling...but we all need it as well at times and it is good to know they are there to help....but it can also feel like you are a burden on your family...

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  13. i think they must support their parents,it's their duty as children.

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  14. great addition to the interesting discussion! x

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  15. My mother recently passed away this past Dec at 92 years of age. She had survived my father by over 30 years and was still living in her own home. My brother and I thought she would have an easier life if she were in an assisted living facility as she had some medical problems, but she told us she wanted to live (and die) in her own home. She had given my husband and I financial gifts the past few years, which we never spent, and we offered to pay for anything she needed and also said we did not want these "gifts." This made her angry and she repeatedly would say she "knew" what she was doing and not to be concerned. We did have her visit at our home and would pick her up and bring her back to her home, a 6 hour drive each way. But in recent years, the long distance and sitting in a car was too tiring for her, so we would visit her instead. I cared about my mother but because our opinions were at odds, we could not live together in the same home. Does this make me a bad child who was neglectful? I do not think it does. You pose some very hard questions, Joseph, but the fact is that not one shoe will fit every situation.

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  16. These are all very interesting. Personally, I think it is not so simple to say "should" or "should not". I feel there are many factors we need to take into account. I am a mother, as long as I am able to look after myself, I prefer not to burden my children and I want to enjoy living my own life. I will appreciate my children having a good relationship with me and I with them and to visit me whenever possible or keep me connected. Sometimes either side can have too high an expectation on the other and that causes many relationship to break down. This is a very complex discussion and to be fair, I still feel we need to look into each case carefully. Thank you for this challenging post. Bless you.

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  17. I stand by my comments.I never said that children should not help financially if that is the case.
    However, expecting something in return for the love the love, time and money we have spent on our children out of our own free will, is not right. if it was then the it can no longer be called unconditional love, it becomes a business deal.
    More and more parents are becoming independent, by keeping some savings for their rainy days. And it is wrong to claim that the children came to this world because of us, in fact we should say, they had no choice to be born or not, whereas we had the choice to bring them in to this world or not.
    I also agree with Nancy Chan, we have to look at it from different angles, and not paint the issue with the same brush. We must also change our archiac mind set too.

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  18. Should parents expect their children to take care of them? I don't think people should have children only to have someone to take care of them in the old age. Most children do want to repay the love their parents gave them, but if they don't want to or if they parents were never good parents---who can make them?

    The organization of family life is very different worldwide. Somewhere people have no need of financial help from their children because they have good retirement plants. Similarly, somewhere children became very independent at young age so they parents don't invest as much time and money in them.

    Every person should find their own way. If our parents have taken care of us, we should take care of them. However, neither the children or the parents should expect that one or the other will solve their problems. We should always do the best we can to take care of our own problems.

    http://modaodaradosti.blogspot.com/

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  19. Parents should somewhat expect their children to help them. If they raised their children well then the children will most likely want to help them. Sometimes that doesn't work either, and it's a shame.

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  20. Thankx for the mention!! I love this as a sequel.. very great idea for blogging. This is such a diverse topic with so many different opinions. I love reading everyones thoughts regarding such a serious subject that for most of us .. WILL happen one day!!

    http://mystery-girl007.blogspot.com/

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  21. It's certainly not a one-size-fits-all issue but there should not be a law mandating it. I think if the children can and the parents want it, then it can be provided. I would love to care for my parents though. My dad is an interesting man to have around :)

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  22. Great that you had that many good answers. In response to your question, I would like my children to be completely independent but at the same time to see our home, the home in which they grew up with tenderness and affection. That doesn't mean that I want them to look after me but I wouldn't like them to toss in the scrapheap so to speak when I start losing my marbles. I would like them to see me first and foremost as a human being who happens to be their ever-loving father.

    Greetings from London.

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  23. I am not in favor of a law that children need to support their parents.
    Some very interesting replies here,
    I stand by my comment that I do not want to be a burden to my children but I do know that they would offer to take care of me if I needed that assistance but I would have to decline.
    I have made long-term-care plans for myself and that is a comfort to me if it is needed.
    I have much love and support fro my children now and that is all I need and expect from them.

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  24. Different takes on this topic depends on the culture and the society the person grew up from. In Asia, it is very common that children support their aging parents, while in the western societies, it is rather not common, not because children don't care but people live lives very independently that even at old age, the want to be independent as much as they can. I have seen it from my grand-in-laws.

    As for me, there is no problem about supporting aging parents. It is very benevolent of children to do that but it shouldn't be a requirement which becomes a big "must" that can become a burden eventually. It should come voluntarily from the heart not as a fulfillment to a demand. If it is a "need" it can be asked but again not required.

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  25. The common thinking that children will and must support their aging parents should never be contested. My religion tells me that I should honour thy father and thy mother. This mean not just by respect and love but also in ways we can help them with their old age. Giving them some attention, some material support, or simply visiting them from time to time would suffice. As we also build our own families, we wanted how our children will treat us, the same way we treat our parents. And even if our parents gave us the best or no opportunity at all, they still are our parents, our one and only.

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    1. I agree with you, Jonathan.

      Children should take care of their aging parents, and as parents, they shouldn't also solely depend on their children to take care of them in the later years.

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  26. Parents should not expext their children to support them because no one knows if they are capable to do so when the time comes.
    I believe love should be express in love and deeds.
    Children though if they are capable to help with money and the parents need help. I believe they should help even though the parents had not been good.
    Anyway, it should been a goal for chilldren to make their parents happy in the last days of their lives. That is what family is all about!

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  27. I had written my views,but not seen now.I don't know where it has gone.I don't remember what I wrote.
    The children should support their parents.But support does not mean that they should always be with the oldsters attending to all their needs may they be of use or not.Support can be of physical,psychological or fiscal nature and can be direct(in person) or indirect(through some other person).Complete negligence if any is there.that is total ingratitude.The progeny may not be in a position to give personal attention, since they have to live life of theirs and their progeny.So they can find means to support their parents.as every problem has a solution.

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    1. Hello rudraprayaga, greetings.

      You wrote your comment in the previous post. Please check my previous post. This is a sequel to the previous post. Best wishes

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  28. If children were taught and raised of Love, Care and Respect, then i think Laws compelling children to support their parents is not necessary. For Children's helping, caring and respecting abilities will sprung naturally from within.

    Thank you for posting my quote (Serendipity) and for dropping by my blog again. More Power!

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  29. Helping our parents is not an obligation but an act of love. It need not be mandated fornit has to come naturally.

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  30. Thanks for the note. I'm reading onward.....

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  31. Namaste...
    What a handsome chap you were and your children of course inherited your beauty. Yes I say beauty, it is not exclusive to women only.

    Happy Valentines day, may this day be the day you are surrounded by loved ones and their love carry you through.

    stay blessed.

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    1. Many,many thanks Rhapsody, God bless u and your family

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  32. Thanks for blogging about an important topic. It seems only fair to return the love and support that our parents gave to us when we were young. So nice to connect with you! I'm sorry it took so long to visit but we've been digging out from the snow.

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  33. Every person should take care of his/her parents.

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  34. I also think that children should make every effort to help their parents if needed. There are so many factors that come into play including health, and medical expenses that it is not always an option. Every situation is different, and elderly parents may require more complex levels of care. It is up to us to plan now, so our children don't have to worry later.

    Julie

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  35. We are all connected ~ Our parents give us life and whether they take good care of us or not ~ to honor them in old age by helping them in some way is a blessing both for the parent and adult children. Yet many parents do not want to be a burden to their children; yet, when the time comes they can no longer care for themselves their child or children are the ones to become the caregivers. It is a part of the cycle of birth, life, death. I was honored to take care of my parents and walk with them through the dying process.

    Happy Weekend to you,
    artmusedog and carol

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