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Sunday, March 15, 2015


I would like to start with a real life incident.

 A father admitted in the ICU of a hospital was dying. His wife who was waiting outside the ICU was brought in to see him. She was looking very sad and distressed. He opened his eyes looked at her and told her he wanted to see his son. Although it was not allowed to make a call inside the ICU, she was given special permission. She called her son and told him to come soon to the hospital, since the dying father wanted to see him. Then she looked at her husband and told him that the son will come immediately. The father nodded his head and lay quietly with his eyes closed. His breathing was becoming more and more difficult. After sometime with great difficulty he opened his eyes and asked for the son. The mother once again called the son on the mobile and spoke to him. Then she told her husband that he is stuck up in a traffic jam and would come quickly. The father nodded his head but he was finding it difficult to breathe. Soon there was a loud chortling sound in his throat as though he was choking and breathed his last without seeing his son. The wife started wailing. After a little while a stretcher was wheeled in and the dead body was taken to the cold storage to be released when the son turns up at the hospital.

What do you think the father was thinking at the time of dying? Can you not feel the pain and anguish he must have been feeling at not seeing his son at the time of his death?

Well, the son will come to claim the dead body, arrange the funeral, accept the condolences of those present at the funeral and carry on with his life as usual.

If this is the case, why should we have children?

Here are some extracts from interesting comments in my previous posts.

 I have three children and all were married but one chose not to have children. I am happy to say that she and her husband just celebrated 25 years of marriage and don't feel any loss because they give so much time and love to others. I guess it's a choice that only the couple can make ...that is if they live in a country that allows open thinking.

Ginnie says that one of her children chose not to have children and they have celebrated 25 years of marriage and they don’t feel any loss at not having children.

John    -----A very interesting post and representative of the changing world we live in. It is hard to imagine though missing out on the absolute joy of being a parent and holding that precious bundle in your arms for the first time. It does require work and sacrifice and each parent and child is different, it all comes down to choices!

John talks of the absolute joy of being a parent and holding the precious bundle in your arms.

Christine ------ I feel it's good to have your own kids if you can, even adoption is a good thing.

Christine says if you can’t have your own children, it is a good idea to adopt.

Ramakrishnan Ramanathan--------- some parents are also scared of their son/daughter/son in law/daughter in law. There are instances where parents have been killed by children/their agents for money/property.

Such terrible things do happen some times. I remember an old lady selling tea telling me that her eldest son who is a drunkard, frequently comes to the tea shop and tries to strangle her because she has not given his share of the property.

Cathy Tittle  -----a law to safeguard care of parents is a good one I think.

Al Penwasser  ====Taking care of your elderly parents....a tragedy we need a law, huh?

If it is a tragedy to have a law to support elderly parents, then why should we have children?

jonathan  ------India had done something good to protect the rights of the elderly. I, myself, have seen how my own siblings are treating my dad badly when all of them, were dependent on him for a very, long time.

Jonathan comes out with another instance of children treating the parent badly

Shamu Boo -------I have never considered a concept such as this. How terrible it would be to have to drag your own children into court, but if it meant that or suffering then it must be done. Such a difficult issue.

Shamu Boo thinks that it is terrible to drag children to court.

Please click on the names of these excellent bloggers to visit them. I am sure they will be thrilled and reciprocate.

All this boils down to one question. If we can be happy without having children, if the state has to enact a law to get an allowance from children, if the children are not going to take care of their old parents voluntarily out of love, if the parents are going to feel terrible to drag their children to court, if the children are going to misbehave and ill treat their old parents, then, would it not be better not to have children?

I hope you will put on your thinking caps and write a detailed comment on this interesting subject. Please let your thoughts flow.

Sunday, February 22, 2015


Many, many thanks for the fantastic comments in response to my previous post. I am reproducing two comments for your perusal and comment.

carol l mckenna === quote---- We are all connected ~ Our parents give us life and whether they take good care of us or not ~ to honor them in old age by helping them in some way is a blessing both for the parent and adult children. Yet many parents do not want to be a burden to their children; yet, when the time comes they can no longer care for themselves their child or children are the ones to become the caregivers. It is a part of the cycle of birth, life, death. I was honored to take care of my parents and walk with them through the dying process.

Unquote------- Caroll emphatically says that children should help parents in some way whether they took good care of the children or not.

NASHVILLECATS ------quote  -------Excellent topic and very much a subject in my life right now, I desperately need a little support from my children at the moment, but the two who live nearest me haven't spoken in years. My other son lives in Spain so is unable to help.
Despite emails to my other two they have fallen on deaf ears.==== unquote

You can see how irresponsible some children can be when need arises.

Caroll Mckenna and Nashvillecats are fabulous bloggers. Please do not hesitate to visit them by clicking on their names. They will be delighted to reciprocate and be your good friends.

There is good news for parents in India.

India is probably the first country in the world to enact a law to help parents to get a monthly allowance from irresponsible children. Most of my friends will be surprised to read this but this is a fact.

Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007 is a legislation enacted in 2007, initiated by Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment, Government of India., to provide more effective provision for maintenance and welfare of parents and senior citizens. This Act make it a legal obligation for children and heirs to provide maintenance to senior citizens and parents, by monthly allowance. This Act also provides simple, speedy and inexpensive mechanism for the protection of life and property of the older persons. After being passed by the parliament of India received the assent of President of India on December 29, 2007 and was published in the Gazette of India on December 31, 2007.

Indian society lays high importance on providing care and protection for parents and elderly. Withering of joint family system has contributed to the challenges faced by elderly. Nowadays they are forced to live alone and are exposed to various kinds of problems such as lack of physical, social, emotional and financial support.

The first case under the act was filed in November 2011 by Siluvai (age 84) and his wife Arulammal (age 80) of Tuticorin against their son and daughter-in-law for neglect, besides taking away their two homes and gold jewellery.

Although this law is in existence many poor parents are reluctant to approach the courts for monthly allowance from their irresponsible children because they don’t want fight a case against their own flesh and blood. In the process they suffer silently while their children are pursuing their goals and happiness.

I am sure you have  some interesting thoughts on this Indian law to safe guard parents.

Thursday, February 5, 2015


It is gratifying to read the overwhelming response to the burning but delicate and sensitive subject. Most of my friends took the trouble and  their valuable time to write detailed comments. I am reproducing some comments which are in variance with Rama Ananth’s observations.

Adrienne Zwart---- Quote----Though I will hardly be able to state my thoughts as eloquently, I think it is a gift for children to be able to care for their aging parents. I realize that it isn't always possible, for children do sometimes move away. So I do not mean to imply that children who cannot do this are somehow less loving.
I have watched my own parents care for my elderly grandmother. For a time, she lived with them until she recovered enough strength to live alone again. But even still, my dad diligently takes care of arranging appointments and driving her wherever she needs to go. I think she is proud to have a son that cares for her.
While the author's position seems quite selfless, I think perhaps it might be robbing her children of this blessing. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. Inconvenient? It can be. But it can be a beautiful expression of gratitude for giving them such a good start in life.---Unquote==Adrienne states that it is a gift and a blessing for the children to take care of old parents. It might be hard and inconvenient but it is a beautiful expression.

eye in the sky--- Quote---The premise here should depend on the idea that the family is a basic unit of society whose members genuinely care for each other. Taking that into account, priority should be placed on the well being of each member. If old parents need help, I.e. Financial support, why should their children be selfish enough to provide what they can? In my country, it isn't even imposed. It should be a given concept. Family members help out each other.

Unquote---Eye in the sky says that members of a family should genuinely care for each other and should also help their old parents financially  if needed.

ღღČяїstinEεїз==  Quote---For me, I strongly believe that children should support their old parents. The same that parents should always support their young children. Other things do not matter to me as I only do what I think is right using love as my driving source. I love my parents so I will never leave them and I will always support them, like how they supported me :)==Unquote===
Cristin says that she will show her love for her parents not only by words but by always supporting them

Serendipity===Quote==It is embodied in the New civil code of the Philippines that a family member should help and support each member of the family. But i think even such obligation weren't written in Laws, children should help and support their old as it is their moral duty to take care of their old. That, in time when they get old their children will take care of them too.------Unquote=====Serendipity says there is a civil code in her country for helping and supporting each member of the family. Besides it is a moral duty. They are also setting a good example to their own children.

Mystery Blogger=== Quote=== I would help and support my parents however possible. They were the ones that gave me life, paid for my good education, dealt with me through all of my teenage drama and stood by me when I was a right little terror... they fed me every night and paid for college. They gave me a car and blanketed me with safety and love all my life.
I think there comes a point where the favor must be returned. ====Unquote===Mystery Blogger is very emphatic about supporting her parents in every possible way. It is a favor that must be returned when the time comes. She gives many reasons for this including the fact that that she is  here because of them

Locomente--- Quote----A very different perspective which makes me think...
I think that children must support their parents - emotionally (mandatory) and financially (if required). They must understand that parents have spent most of their days in taking care of children. Challenges arise when parents become possessive, obsessive, adamant and resist change. If they accept their child's growth and also decide to embrace their child's decisions, life would be good for both the parties. -----Unquote  ----Locomente thinks that children should give emotional support compulsorily and financial support if needed.

Daisy ---   Quote  ==I think children should help their parents and take care of them as they age. They are family and family should come first if at all possible. It seems only right to return the love and care to the parents that the parents gave to the children when they were small.Unquote ------ Daisy says that family should come first and the only way children can return love is by supporting them when parents need.

Jade Wright       Quote  -------- I definitely think there comes a time where the tables turn and our folks are in need of our support...and after them being so lovely to us over the years, supporting us through thick and thin and being hard on us when it was needed.. we need to give back. Even if your folks werent the best parents in the world... Unquote  ------Jade makes it clear that children should support their parents if required even if they were hard on them sometimes and even if  parents were not the best parents in the world.

Sherry Ellis, Ratty and Lea, also emphasized very firmly that children should definitely support their parents even if they don’t expect it.

These are fabulous bloggers  and I request you to visit them by clicking on their names. They will be delighted by your visit and will certainly reciprocate.  Please also visit the other wonderful friends in the comments column in my previous post by clicking on their names. I hold them in high esteem and I value their comments tremendously. This is a great opportunity to widen our circle of friends.

After reading these and other insightful comments I am plagued by a plethora of questions such as these=== Why should parents not expect their children to support them when needed?   Is it enough if children express their love merely by words and not by actually helping ?  Why should children not help their parents with money?   Should there be a law to compel children who don’t support their parents? Should children refuse to support their parents because they were hard on the children sometimes and because they are not the best parents in the world?    What is the meaning of family as far as the children are concerned, does this family include parents?    Is it not a sufficient reason for children to support  their parents that they are in this world because of parents?   Is it not the moral duty and responsibility of children to support their aged parents?  Why should the children not include in their goals and happiness, the well being and  happiness of their parents?  Is it not a gift, a blessing and a beautiful expression of love for the children to take  care of their aged parents, even thought it might be hard and inconvenient?

My dear friends, please put on your thinking caps and spare no effort to write a detailed comment. Here is an opportunity to prove your writing skills and convey your thoughts forcefully. 
Good writing means great satisfaction.

Best wishes.

Saturday, January 24, 2015


Rama Ananth in my previous post under the heading WHAT IS LIFE wrote this excellent comment which I am reproducing below=


I feel we are responsible for bringing our children to this earth and we should realize that however much we want our children to be with us, to love us,and support us, we are wrong in expecting those things from our children.

Nowadays children are so matured in their thinking that we can surely learn a few things from them. They feel that neither they have the time nor proper care to give their kids nor the relevant support system, so they choose not to have any kids. I can understand their point of view, and fully support their thinking in this manner, for life today is not what it was years ago. It takes so much effort to finish their studies and settle in some good job and then finally getting married to an equally busy wife----- time just flew past them they are too old by the time they can even think of being responsible parents.

Plus they have realized that they  have come alone to this world and would leave alone from this world, so the question of  having children to support them in their old age does not even arise for them.

They want to achieve their goals and be happy and free for the rest of their lives. I feel they deserve it, if that is what they choose and we as parents can support them and feel happy that they are not doing the mistakes we did in our life time.

Life is always changing and we should also change our thoughts according to changing times, for there is really no right or wrong in any thing.


RAMA ANANTH is a fantastic blogger and I recommend that you visit her by clicking here. I am sure she will be delighted and will certainly reciprocate.

This is an interesting issue which has many sides and I would like to present my point of view in my next post.

In the meanwhile, I would we very glad to know your views in as much detail as possible. There is no need to hold back your thoughts and let it flow.

Best wishes